by Ben Deacon, guest author

Having just dusted myself off the scrap heap of unemployment last week, one would think that my new government job wouldn’t allow me the time to write a missive for TheCanned.com. It’s exactly that kind of thinking that is holding you back from landing a job in Uncle Sam’s extended family.

Today is St. Patty’s Day in Boston, a county holiday, and I spent my morning soaking at the Chinatown YMCA and listening to Annie Lennox’s Walking On Broken Glass on my iPod. These ideas came to me around minute 30 in the jacoozi.

The trick to landing a job in government is talking to people in government. Most open jobs are not advertised because there are people on the inside waiting to poach. A best practice for landing a government job is to bug the hell out of any of your friends who work in government. Call them every other day and say things like “I can’t believe that earmark is going to make it through committee. That garbage wouldn’t fly on my watch.” Government people love to hang out with each other so invite yourself out for a night of PBR’s. In short, become the insider.

Jobs can seemingly open up at random so be persistent in reaching out. In Massachusetts, the ascension of a new Speaker of the House meant that all chairmanships were shuffled. Staffs expanded and contracted across the government in one week. To the layman this might come as a surprise, but for people paying attention it was a fantastic opportunity to get a foot in the door.

And I know what I’m about to say goes strictly against TheCanned.com policy, and that management will frown upon me, but I’m a maverick so I’m going to say it anyway: Stop reading this and go find a campaign to work on. The elections didn’t stop with Barack. Special elections are ongoing and another round is but a year and a half away. Go find someone to canvass for. If you can design a Web page, call your reps and tell them you’ll get one up in a week. Take any skill set you have and volunteer it to a politician. You may find it demeaning to work for free but think of it as an investment in the future. As the Greeks say, “one hand washes the other.”

I find myself riding high these days with the perks of a government job. I’ve always had a bit of a baby face, which has been a problem with the ladies, but I’ve found mentioning my pension to be a sufficient remedy. Talk of pensions waft the sweet scents of maturity and stability. It’s like bottling Brut into some kind of convenient mouthwash. Screw bankers and their stock options. Forget insurance guys and their 401K. 2008 proved it’s all smoke and mirrors. The pension, yeah the pension, is where it’s at in 2009. Just ask your postman.

That’s all the time I got. I’m finishing out my St. Patty’s Day holiday with an encore soak. Seeing as I have only three vacation days this year, today may be the last day I get to remember the joys of unemployment.

Ben Deacon - March 18, 2009 - 9:29 pm
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