The Lighter Side

Recessions are like wildfires– they are destructive in the short run, but ultimately necessary to clear away the dead wood and rubbish. Companies get bloated and inefficient in boomtimes, then purge when the economy corrects itself.

In an ideal world, the first guy to get canned would be the least valuable. The all-knowing boss would rank all of his employees in terms of salary-weighted output, then estimate his budget shortfall and can the appropriate number, starting from the bottom of the list and working his way up. In reality, politics and superficial evaluations determine layoffs.

Fox doesn’t like it. In a forthcoming “reality” TV show, Someone’s Gotta Go, employees at struggling small businesses vote on who gets canned. Camera crews document the whole affair, including candid interviews and lots of (presumably) over-dramatic build-up.

Needless to say, Someone’s Gotta Go is already stirring controversy.

Regardless of the perversion of the idea — a network benefiting from the misery of others — this thing is going to be a hit. People who have recently been fired will watch it out of schadenfreude. People holding on to their jobs will watch it like a train wreck.

I, for one, am counting the days until fatal consequences work their way into reality TV. Our voyeurism have come a long way since The Real World. It’s only a matter of time until the reality TV version of The Most Dangerous Game, where men hunt other men for sport.

Until that day, I guess we’ll all have to watch people get fired on Fox. It’s far from escapist, close to home, and maybe just perverse enough to be entertaining.

There were only 59 shark attacks last year, down from 73 in good ‘ole 2007. Live Science speculates that the fall is linked to fewer beach-goers in these tight times. Either that, or unemployed people are just less appetizing than nine-to-fivers.

If I were a shark I would go for overfed, undersexed, inactive desk-jockeys. The veal-like quality of the office worker is far superior to the learning-to-cook, finding-time-to-work out, making-time-for-love jobless person. Not to mention, layoff beards are a known deterrent to sharks.

In all seriousness, vacation properties are gearing up to get killed this beach season. And they will. This is far from the lighter side if you’re looking for work in the hospitality industry, but a silver lining for the rest of us. Fuel costs are way down and hotel occupancy rates haven’t been this low since people stopped flying after 9/11. Not only are hotels courting travelers with recession specials, but you can probably squeeze them for more. People often don’t realize this, but hotel rates are negotiable. Your average booking agent has the discretion to knock as much as 20 percent of your rate without even contacting a manager.

Not to mention, your joblessness gives you the superpower of flexibility. Why blow a weekend in a beach town when you can relax, apart from the crowds, Monday through Friday? Travel Zoo regularly updates a Top 20 List featuring last-minute vacation deals. Or have the Priceline Negotiator, William Shatner, put your flexibility (and frugality) to your advantage. And there are always the perennially-inexpensive options: hostels, campsites, family and friends.

The point is, the price of a vacation can get damn near close to free these days. Try taking a break from the job-search grind to enjoy yourself. Consider it economic stimulus for the shark community.

This is an embarrassing confession, but I am, what some might consider, a “guppy.” What I mean is that after four-plus years of classes, projects, tests and term papers, I find myself proudly toting a degree but lacking the combination of dazzling experience and applicable skills that would compel potential employers to hire me.

You may be a “guppy” as well if you find yourself asking the question, where is the job board for recent graduates with buckets of relevant knowledge and only mediocre résumé experience? Perhaps you have received a smattering of rejection emails, claiming your qualifications are impressive, but not quite in tune with the hiring manger’s search parameters. The truth is, my guppy friend, your opportunity to get even a pinky toe in the door of your choice career field is drying up as I type this article.

Recent graduates must face the possibility that entry-level jobs providing the elusive on-the-job training for future, more lucrative positions may grow even more scarce in the coming years of this shaky economy.  Companies are seeking to further trim the fat of their budgets and heap the grunt work on to more seasoned personnel. But fret not, small gills — there are steps that we guppies can take to improve our overall marketability. First of all, and this rings true whether you fall among the guppy ranks or not, it is imperative to remember that you have options. Options are the best friends you can have right now: weigh them wisely. For your consideration, here are just some of the many options at your fingertips:

1. Intern. Okay, school is over, but that doesn’t mean you can’t get that edge you crave oh-so-much by taking on an internship. Use your degree as a negotiation point — after all, you know what you’re doing!

2. Volunteer. This is a great time for you to scour your city, do some networking and find opportunities to donate your services in exchange for that valuable hands-on experience. Someone you know may know someone who knows someone who needs help in something that you are good at.  Approach them and offer your talent and time. Don’t think of it as an unpaid internship minus the college credit; consider it a valuable addition to your resume.

3. Switch it up. Still waiting tables since earning your marketing degree because you’re scared you won’t find anything better? Don’t hurt your chances of breaking into a field just because you’re already getting paid.  Get on the job boards, put out your resume, and try to find a position relevant to what you’d really love to do. Things aren’t that bad.

4. Become a big fish. There are tons of organizations (ahem, Peace Corps) that need dedicated guppies, like you, to go out into the world and make a difference. Not a bad way to just keep swimmin’.

5. Do your own thing. Get a group of people together or go solo and start a project, a Web site, a publication, even a company! Take an idea that matters to you and run with it. Make something happen for yourself — be the one to invest in you.

6. Jump overboard. Now might be a good time to consider working abroad, while you’re still young and have fewer responsibilities on your plate. Take a year or two, explore and live out of your element, and see what you’re made of. You’re guaranteed to surprise yourself.

7. Go back to school. If you feel that your background is inadequate, then earning a second Bachelor’s degree might be a good choice. Focus on enhancing your current skill set, networking to improve your chances of finding future opportunities in your field, and enjoy being able to put off those loan payments just a little longer.

These are just a few of the many options available to help guppies like us get out of the puddle and swimming in the big pond.

Got canned? Don’t let the pink slip spoil your travel plans — a well planed vacation can be the best time to reassess your life.

For every door that closes, another opens. Or so the saying goes.  While being let go may feel as if that door has been slammed shut in your face — and a huge, double steel-enforced, iron-clad door at that.  Look at the situation this way: the opportunity to finally figure out what it is you truly want to do in life is at your doorstep.

A great way to deal with the uncertainty of being unemployed is to travel or go on a vacation. After all, a vacation can be the best time to recharge our emotional batteries. It affords us the opportunity to temporarily step back from the personal and financial concerns that often accompany a job loss. What more, a trip away from home can initiate the process of self discovery. It can also be a time to reevaluate your career goals, or merely an excuse to learn a new trade or skill. But whatever it is, your sojourn need not break the bank.

Travel Web site Travelandleisure.com has just published a list of the best vacation destinations for the laid off and unemployed. So if you have the means, go ahead — expand your horizons, figure out what you love to do and open a new door.

1. Join the non-profit network Worldwide Opportunities on Organic Farms (WWOOF)

For those looking to live a more ecologically friendly lifestyle, WWOOF is an international exchange program that provides room and board accommodations to volunteers in return for part-time work on an organic farm. If self-sufficient farming is your gig, this is definitely an opportunity worth exploring.

2. Stay for free: House Swap

A “house swap” or “home exchange” is a vacation arrangement where two individuals or families agree to exchange homes while on vacation. For a small fee, Web sites such as www.homelink.org and www.homeexchange.com aggregate listings of those looking to exchange homes and match participants across the world.

3. Set Sail

www.CrewFile.com is a free international database that aggregates job listings for yacht crews and maritime jobs. Through their online database you can search for crew vacancies on an array of ships varying from mega yachts to commercial fishing boats. The best part: you don’t need to know how to sail or even have an experience on the open waters.  Captains and stewards are willing to train the right candidates.

4. Hit the Slopes

Have you ever considered joining a ski patrol or becoming a snowboard instructor? If you’re looking to develop the required skills or simply need class and test prep time to become certified, The Base Camp Group offers world-class instructor training at affordable prices. The program specializes in one-on-one sessions where trainees are shown the fundamentals of technical coaching, prepped for exam certification and are trained in safety and first aid response.

5. Save the world

Worried about the manatees in Gambia? The Earthwatch Institute is an international non-profit organization that focuses their efforts on protecting endangered species and conserving the environment. Ever year nearly 4,000 people volunteer to field research and conservation projects in over 50 countries.

No, I’m not referring to the great bell of the clock at the northeastern end of the Palace of Westminster in London. Not even Pittsburgh’s Big Ben Roethlisberger, nor J-Lo’s ex, Big Ben Affleck. I’m talking about Federal Reserve Chairman, Big Ben Bernanke.

Mike and I were scheduled to appear on Fox’s Business Week this afternoon to discuss the unemployment numbers from last month and how TheCanned.com can help the many newly canned workers. Unfortunately, Big Ben Bernanke was asked to appear in our place.

Though you won’t be able to see us on TV today, we will persevere. Our efforts to promote TheCanned.com have only been strengthened by Big Ben Bernanke’s media-hungry selfishness.

You’ve won the battle, Big Ben, but TheCanned.com will inevitably win the war against unemployment.

What do GE, Microsoft, Cisco, HP, FedEx, and IHOP all have in common? They were all started during recessions. More than half of the companies on the Dow Jones Industrial Average were started during recessions, in fact.

Last week the founder of WePay.com, Bill Clerico, wrote about the dedication that it takes to start a company. Recession be damned, he and cofounder Richie Aberman are determined to start the next revolution in online banking. Finding investors has been a challenge for WePay, to be sure. But after months of shoestring budgets they’re on the verge of making it happen.

Recessions provide an ideal climate for entrepreneurship. In a lot of ways, this recession is especially ideal. Think about it:

Venture capital is still in play

Typically, investors lose their appetites when the markets plummet like they have since last summer. This remains the case. However, a confluence of credit crunch and low energy prices has sucked a lot of private equity money out of asset-backed securities and alternative energy investments. The net effect is that although investors are wary, there is still VC money out there for projects with solid fundamentals. And even if it wasn’t: VC really only funds a fraction of start-ups. Friends, family, angel investors, and personal debt constitute the lion’s share of start-up capital.

Competition is weak

Corporations usually have an edge over start-ups when it comes to raising funds to expand. Again, the credit crunch has leveled the playing field. Very few companies are expanding. In fact, most are struggling to keep the lights on. A lean start-up with a fresh operating plan is perfectly positioned to cater to price-sensitive consumers. Demand for goods and services falls with the economy, but it rarely disappears. If you can improve something or make it cheaply, a recession is an ideal time to steal some market share.

Talent is cheap

With unemployment on the rise and wages poised to fall, you won’t have as hard a time recruiting a talented team. People tend to focus on the idea portion of starting a company. What turns an idea into a company, however, is the amount of push that you put behind it. Having the right people in place is crucial to making that push.

None of this is to say that starting a company is easy; it’s not easy in any climate. Sure, if you time a bubble just right you may be able to sell a half-cocked company to speculators for a quick profit. But building something enduring takes time in any market. At least in this one, external conditions seem to slant in your favor.

The job markets aren’t the only place this downturn has heated up competition. Yesterday in New York’s East Village, a group of unemployed workers gathered for the first annual Unemployment Olympics. They smashed fax machines like Michael Bolton in Office Space. They tossed phones like javelins, ran around, and played pin-the-tail-on-the-boss.

The purpose? Sure as Ponce De Leon searched for that elusive fountain of youth, these laid-off New Yorkers searched for the lighter side of unemployment. Whether or not they found it, no shortage of local businesses lined up for sponsorships.

Promotional campaigns tied to the recession are all over the place. This isn’t surprising: the unemployed population in the United States is a fairly representative slice. These are people across the nation, from all industries and backgrounds, of all ages and genders. If this isn’t evidence that the stigma attached to joblessness has disappeared, I don’t know what is.

Across the country, businesses are offering recession specials. If you bring your pink slip to The Delancey on the Lower East Side (NY), they’ll give you a free tequila shot. Jos. A. Bank will allow you to return your suit if you get fired after buying it.  Hyundai will even let you return a car. Gray’s Papaya has been peddling recession specials since the boom times (although ironically, they just raised the price).

And if the specials aren’t explicitly stated, don’t be surprised if retailers are still willing to knock a few bucks off the purchase price of just about anything. I called ATT to inquire about a suspiciously high cell phone bill last week and they knocked $150 off and credited me 500 rollover minutes without missing a step (or being asked). Just like many are nervous about losing jobs and paychecks, businesses are worried about losing customers. If we can all avoid losing our minds, there might be a win-win here.

You may not have a job, or a dependable income, but smile: you’re officially a target demographic. Have some fun with it.  Judging by the press coverage, the Unemployment Olympians certainly did.

If you’re involved in policy, then the unemployment rate is a key indicator of economic health. If you’re forecasting economic trends, then the same is true. But for the average job-seeker, this rate is little more than a distraction.

People are getting canned at increasing rates. If you’re reading this blog, then you already know that. We’re also in a recession, by the way, in case you’ve been living in a cave for the last six months. That’s about all the context you need in order to understand the level of competition in the job markets and to set realistic expectations.

Economic indicators, and especially the unemployment rate, are poor representations of individual opportunity. The stock of unemployed people is rising, and this is concerning to policymakers. But this is a $14+ trillion economy, and the labor markets don’t simply freeze in a recession. Businesses open and close, industries expand and contract, jobs get created and destroyed, positions get filled and vacated; the economy, and by proxy the job market, is always in motion. This motion ensures a flow of opportunities for individuals in all times. It just takes more time, more effort, more tact, and more luck to make it happen when that stock of opportunities wanes.

In addition, few people know how to interpret the unemployment rate.

First, less is not always better. Excess labor cools an expanding economy and prevents inflation, helping the economy to grow at a healthy clip. Economists disagree about where the break point is, but the “target” or “natural” rate of unemployment is probably somewhere north of 5 percent.

Second, the unemployment rate is a trailing indicator. This means that unemployment will continue to rise for a quarter or so after the broader economy has already turned around.

Lastly, the figure only counts people who are actively looking for work. Discouraged or retired workers do not count. As people give up, reignite a job search, or return from retirement, the unemployment rate will change. It’s important to realize that layoffs are not the only determinant.

Now that you know how to interpret the unemployment rate, you can feel educated when you ignore the latest release from the Bureau of Labor Statistics this Friday. If you’re looking for a distraction, watch Chris and me on Fox Business News during the lunch hour.

For those who are unemployed and looking for a job, tax season couldn’t have come at a worse time. And if the emotional costs of dealing with unemployment weren’t enough, a prolonged job search can prove to be very costly. Fortunately there are a host of income tax deductions available for those who are actively looking for work.

Expenses that you incur over the course of your job search may be eligible for a deduction against your taxable income. These costs are deductible even if you have a job, regardless of if you actually land the position or not. Armed with some basic tax advice and a little bit of moxie, you too can take advantage of these frequently forgotten tax benefits.

Qualifying expenses generally fall into three categories:

Outplacement & Employment Agency Fees

You are allowed to write off any agency fees that you have paid while looking for a new job within your current field of work. Allowable deductibles may include several employment services such as recruiters, career counselors and job coaches. However, if you find a job and your new employer agrees to pay back these fees, you will need to include the amount received in your gross income up to the amount of the tax benefit of the prior year.

Resume Preparation Costs

This category encompasses an array of expenditures directly associated with applying for a job. Such expenses include the costs of paper, envelopes, postage, phone and fax charges.

Travel and Transportation Expenses

Costs incurred from traveling to and from job interviews may also be tax deductible. Airfare, mileage, lodging and meal expenses — depending on the circumstance — are all examples of charges that may be written off when not reimbursed by the prospective employer.

As highlighted above, there are several different ways to cut down on job search-related costs through tax breaks.

However, the IRS imposes several limitations. For starters, expenses are not deductible for those looking to make a career change into a different field or for  first-time job seekers. Others may be ineligible if there is a substantial lapse in time between the last job held and the current job search. Finally, you can only deduct job search expenses if, together with all other miscellaneous deductions, they exceed two percent of your annual adjusted gross income.

For more information, download this PDF, courtesy of the IRS.

… and by retirement, I mean unemployment.

When I quit my financial services job in Boston in August 2008 to move home to Chicago, I had no idea how tough the job search would be.  I had a job lined up, but the market continued to crumble and the company froze hiring.  It was a tough transition, especially at first.  Maybe it’s just me, but I never thought I would be that person looking for a job in a miserable economy.  But I was that person — I still am that person — and I learned over the past few months that it is perfectly okay.

After I got over the initial frustration of meeting with recruiters and reading about mundane and unappealing jobs online, my outlook on the whole situation lightened quite a bit.  One of the biggest challenges for people in today’s job market is staying positive and realizing that sometimes things are simply out of your control. I think it’s important for people to remember that it’s all about having the right mindset.

At the end of September I was still looking for a job, and I started an “early retirement” blog.  The truth is that the blog started out as a complete joke, but  it’s actually been a pretty fun way to make light of the fact that I am unemployed and have all day to literally do anything I want.  My friends find it amusing (at least they pretend to) and encourage me to document some of the random occurrences of my fun-filled — and boring — days of early retirement.

Blog topics have ranged from daily food consumption, to awkward encounters with females at the gym, to the time when I woke up and thought there was a burglar in the house and nearly attacked my father, who had not left for work yet, with a sand wedge. There are many great perks of being retired/unemployed, but one of my personal favorites is having the time to do things I didn’t have time to do when I was working.

One day in early winter I was shooting hoops at the gym and decided that I wanted to increase my vertical leap so I could slam-dunk a basketball.  Wait a sec…the 6”1′ white kid who could barely jump over a footlong from Subway and who was cut from the freshmen basketball team to dunk?!  Yep.  Why?  Well, because I have the time.

A buddy of mine let me borrow his old vertical leap performance shoes and I have been working on “Operation Slam Dunk” for the last two months.  Some may think this is completely ridiculous — and it is in many ways — but it’s fun and it is something to keep my mind distracted.  I’ve even made a couple of YouTube videos documenting my jumping progress.

The point is simple  – for those who are in a similar situation, do something with your time.  Don’t sit around on the computer all day looking at jobs.  That’s not healthy.  Or fun.  Leave your apartment.  Get out and do something you have wanted to do for a while.  Take a road trip, reconnect with old friends, learn how to dunk or take up a new hobby like learning to play the fiddle or whatever.  No matter what, I think it’s incredibly important for people to take advantage of their newfound free time and have some fun.

By the time I settle into my nexy job, I’ll be able to dunk. What will you be able to claim thanks to your time off?